Is sex really that important prt2

Ok I'm really sorry you guys for repeating a topic but i need to get this outta my system. So thanks to you i have an understanding that i don't find sex to be important or worth while because of my past bad experience and that maybe i need someone to treat me as if it was my first time so i wont be cynical to the idea. But what you guys don't know is that the well on that story runs deeper then you know. Ok to put it simply I am very much fucked up in the head about sex. when i was younger if my ex boyfriend wanted it i gave into him because it was my first experience with a guy outside of friendship(aka i was stupid as hell). But oh well i cant change the past and the problem right now is the present. So here's the thing my boyfriend has made it very clear that he wants to have sex with me but I'm scared. and i don't mean scared as in i don't think I'm ready i mean if a guy climbs on top of me or tries to penetrate me i become terrified. My boyfriend and my friend slept over at my house an as a joke he tackled me on the bed n i went into shock my friend noticed why i reacted the way i did but he didn't an i played it off saying what are u doing shes watching we laughed an he stopped. Every time i try to bring up how i feel about sex he thinks its either me being modest or i need to loosen up. Then he says am i so wrong for wanting my girlfriend in every way. I totally understand where he is coming from but i wish he could understand my problem and my fear.